What is a meltdown?
It's not a tantrum!
Understanding meltdowns - and why they’re not the same as a temper tantrum.
A meltdown is very different from a temper tantrum, even though they might appear to be similar. A child upset they have come up against a boundary set by a parent is not the same as neurodivergent children in sensory overload.
A tantrum is goal-oriented behaviour, for example, a child is communicating to their parent that they want their attention. A tantrum can be interrupted, and used as a learning opportunity.
A meltdown, on the other hand, is an uncontrolled reaction to overwhelming stress. The primary focus needs to be on keeping the child safe until the crisis is over. During a meltdown children have little awareness of their physical surroundings and will have difficulty understanding what is said to them.
Parents of children who have frequent meltdowns find it useful to identify what situations and triggers are most likely to cause them, and to put a plan in place to reduce those triggers.
Tips on what to do when your child is having a meltdown:
Make sure that your child is in an environment that is safe and secure.
Try to create a quiet, calm space - turn off loud music and turn down bright lights. Try to eliminate any environmental factors that may have triggered your child.
Ask any onlookers to give you and your child space and privacy.
Remain calm and speak to your child very specifically and literally. Any vague or non-specific questions, such as ‘Are you okay?’ will only increase their distress. Keep in mind it may take them a while to respond.
Let them know that you appreciate they are doing their best to deal with their stress.
Do not judge them or attempt to lecture them on how their behaviour may affect others.
Give them time to recover. It can take a while to recover from information or sensory overload.
It is not always easy to identify what the triggers that lead to meltdowns are. One strategy is to start a diary, recording what happened before, during and after each meltdown. This should help you gain a clearer idea on what common factors lead up to your child’s meltdowns and the things you can do to prevent them happening.
Triggers will vary from one child to the next, but common problem areas are changes in routine, anxiety, sensory overload (loud noises, crowded spaces, flashing lights), and communication difficulties. Knowing your child’s triggers will mean you can develop a plan to reduce the frequency, duration, and intensity of their meltdowns.
The Rumble Stage
Many children will show warning signs that they are headed towards a meltdown, which is sometimes referred to as the rumble stage. They might show signs of anxiety, such as stimming, pacing, making repetitive statements or asking repetitive questions, walking in figures of eight or alternatively becoming very still (which can be known as a ‘shutdown’). At this point it may be possible to avert a full-blown meltdown with distractions or using calming strategies such as listening to music, removing any potential triggers or providing squeeze balls or fidget toys or soft toys.
Create a tool kit
You could put together a toolkit of items most likely to calm your child – these may be stimming or fidget tools or toys such as miniature figurines, a piece of fabric they like to touch, or bubble wrap for popping. They do not need to be physical items – it could be a special song or word game your child likes to play. The toolbox can be large as it is practicable to be, that can be left with your child’s teacher or carer.
Change your thinking....
As one expert in the field says, it can be useful to reframe the way we think about meltdowns, and accept that they are just a part of being autistic or neurodivergent for many people.
“By rethinking it in positive terms it helps us feel like just a fallible human like everyone else” (Deborah Lipsky, 2011).
For more advice and tips check out the books available from the IHC Library listed below, or feel free to give us a call on 0800 442 442, or email librarian@ihc.org.nz if you prefer.
Kids’ books from the IHC Library
When my Autism Gets Too Big! - A Relaxation Book for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, by Kari Dunn Buron, illustrated by Kari Dunn Buron
Train your Angry Dragon, by Steve Herman
1-2-3 A Calmer Me by Colleen Patterson and Brenda Miles, illustrated by Claire Keay
Some Days I Flip My Lid by Kellie Bailey, illustrated by Hannah Bailey
When Miles Got Mad, by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter
Cool Down and Work Through Anger, by Cheri Meiners
When Sophie Gets Angry – Really, Really, Angry, by Molly Garrett Bang
Keep Calm Guru, by Lauren Brukner
The Kids’ Guide to Staying Awesome, by Lauren Brukner (also available as an E-book)
What To Do When Your Temper Flares – A Kids Guide to Overcoming Problems with Anger, by Dawn Huebner
Books for adults from the IHC Library
Autistic Logistics – A parents’ guide to tackling bedtime, toilet training, meltdowns, hitting and everyday challenges (Chapter 8), by Kate Wilde (also available as an Ebook)
Autism – Understanding and managing anger, by Andrew Powell
High-functioning autism and difficult moments – practical solutions for reducing meltdowns, by Brenda Smith Myles
From Anxiety to Meltdown – How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, and How you can Intervene effectively, by Deborah Lipsky (also available as an Ebook)
No More Meltdowns, by Jed Baker
Managing Meltdowns – Using the S.C.A.R.E.D. calming technique with children and adults with autism by Deborah Lipsky (also available as an Ebook)
Freedom from Meltdowns, by Travis Thompson