Tips for a happy neuroinclusive Christmas

Meri Kirihimete from the Awhi team

With the Christmas season looming, it’s a great time to start thinking about little changes that might help reduce stress. We often say what works for autistic and neurodivergent kids can work for all kids.

Here are some things I do, and other parents of neurodivergent kids do, to make Christmas Day and its’ surrounding ‘big days’ a little less stressful. Whether you’re hosting a family with a neurodivergent child or you have a neurodivergent child yourself, these might help. - Emily

Presents

Giving one gift each day rather than all gifts at once might help to reduce overwhelm and sensory overload. A lot of kids can’t cope with the sheer volume of gifts on Christmas morning. And this can stop the ‘unable to sleep’ anxiety the night before if your child needs sleep to help them manage their emotions.

Put gifts into pillow cases so they’re easier to open. Often wrapping can be really hard if you have dyspraxia or if your child has physical, cognitive, or developmental delays.

I adore giving gifts. I really love seeing my kid’s face light up when they open a present. So this is sometimes a hard one for me! If you allow your child to open their presents in their own room, if they’re feeling overwhelmed by being ‘watched’ as they open their present, it will reduce anxiety. The good thing is, when I’ve done this - my boy has come in later with a big thank you and made it clear they love their gift.

Let family know that your child might not open their present in front of them or straight away.

Kai

Eating kai can be super tough sometimes. Especially if it’s something your child isn’t used to. Bring a lunchbox with their favourite foods so they have their own snacks and don’t need to eat something different, which might contribute to overwhelm.

Let your family know in advance that your child won’t be sitting at the table. A blanket outside can be a great way have your child sitting and eating without the pressure of being at a table with a lot of different smells and different foods.

If you’re eating away from home, consider bringing your air fryer if your child only eats nuggets or chips. That way they can still have a hot meal without you having to use the host’s oven.

Routines

Christmas is really out of routine. Try to set a routine as much as you can. Even if it’s just providing a timetable -

6am: Wake up

6.15am: Medication

6.30am: Present

7am: Breakfast

7.30am: Quiet time.

9am: Go to Nana’s

11am: Leave Nana’s

11.30am: quiet time.

1.30pm: Family movie

3.30pm: You choose! Bike ride? Walk to beach. Play with new toy.

6pm: Dinner

7pm: Ready for bed.

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

Now some quick tips:

Christmas decorations

If you know a guest is sensory-defensive rather than sensory-seeking, Christmas lights might be an issue. Keep them off and if in doubt ask the parent of the child who is coming to Christmas. Christmas candles are also a no-go, combined with food smells it can be really overwhelming. Consider whether it’s a good idea to leave the perfume off if you want have snuggles with neurodivergent grandkids.

Kissing and consent

“I’m the boss of my body” is a crucial thing for neurodivergent children to know. Support them and their parents by modelling consent. When a child arrives, give them space to enter the whare in their own time. You can then say ‘would you like a hug or a high-five?’. Never kiss or touch a child without checking in first. “I’ve missed you! Can I give you a hug?” is such an easy thing to say! By doing this you’re protecting that child from future risks around sexual harm. It’s a small and easy thing to do to teach consent and understanding of bodily autonomy. Bodily autonomy is the foundation for gender equality, and above all, it's a fundamental right.

Be Covid-safe

Getting Covid 19 can be particularly distressing and uniquely difficult for neurodivergent people. Brain fog, a common Covid 19 symptom, matches many of the diagnostic criteria for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and is also common with other neurominorities where the executive functions are compromised, such as Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, Tourettes and Autism.

Here are some tips from Aotearoa Covid Action:

First, make sure you are up to date with your vaccines, if you are eligible. Then, think about how you can make your get togethers safer.

• Ask everyone to test before gathering. If anyone is symptomatic or tests positive, ask them to isolate at home (and check out ACA’s webpage on what to do if you get sick!). Maybe there are ways to include them in the festivities digitally, or to schedule alternative events once they are better?

• Plan as much of your socialising outside as possible – being outside means everyone has less chance of rebreathing each other’s air, which means less chance of sharing any infection we may have.

• If you are socialising inside, keep the air as clean as possible – ventilate using open windows/doors, and HEPA air filters to purify any rebreathed air.

Special interests are special

Asking a child who has a special interest to share some facts with you is a wonderful thing to do. “Info-dumping” is a community term for the sharing of facts about your special interest. My son’s love language is literally saying ‘did you know’ or ‘fun fact!’ before telling me in great detail some extremely obscure thing.

He loves nothing more than talking about his special interest so I always try to encourage folks to ask him about it.

While it might be mind-blowing to see the sheer amount of information a small child knows about a topic, resist the urge to make them ‘do an autism’ AKA prove they know the depth of every river or the population of every country - unless they specifically want to be quizzed.

We would love to hear your tips. Let us know what works for you at Christmas. You might have seen we have a new website now, we’d love to get your feedback on it. Check it out here.

Meri Kirihimete from Elizabeth and I and thank you for supporting Awhi Ngā Mātua. We wish you a gentle and peaceful holiday period.